she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
