you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
