Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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