the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
