He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize