I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
