I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
