New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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