idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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