I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
