I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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