I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
