just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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