Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
