Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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