i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize