Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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