is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she looked like the before picture.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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