Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
