I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
