she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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