Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
