You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
