He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
