"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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