Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize