Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
