I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
