I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
