Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
