I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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