I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
