So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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