my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
