i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
