ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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