It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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