sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
