Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
