i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
