he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
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