I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
