Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
