i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
