my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
