??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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