You made me cry and you don't even care
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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