Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
