i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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