Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
