dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
