I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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