Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
