well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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