Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The power of my boobs compel you
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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