Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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