Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
