please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
