after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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