You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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