Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize