fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
