That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
