I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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