My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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