finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize