I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
