What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
