there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
