i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize