just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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