naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
