he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
