i just had sex bonerless
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
