can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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