so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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