I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
