WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
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