...so i touched it.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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