Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
