omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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