Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize