about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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