piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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