It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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