I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
