if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
