Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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