my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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