Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
