i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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