Well douche your snatch and let's go!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
