Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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