Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
