my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
