Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
