By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
